Jennilee Toner

As an international yoga teacher I travel the world to teach people how to move and breath in order to connect with the deepest parts of themselves. For me this is the essence of yoga. Sometimes we are so busy with others that we forget about whats going on inside ourselves.

And that’s exactly what happened this morning – I took time for myself to go within and in doing so I found many new layers of my love!

As the co-facilitator of a Goddess Retreat, I took a group of gorgeous women into the olive groves and sunflower fields here in Spain and led them through the practice of vocal toning. Usually when I lead a group through a practice like this I am caught up with many ideas, thoughts and plans in my mind…always digging a little bit deeper to find out how can I best facilitate this experience of transformation for others. Today though was different…I really dropped my mind into my own body, into my vocal chords, into my inner vibration – and into my heart.

At first I made sounds that were much like a child…wailing at the top of my voice…wanting attention. I connected deeply to this inner child of mine…screaming out loud LOVE ME…TAKE CARE OF ME…SEE ME…PLAY WITH ME…

I allowed myself to feel the places in me from my childhood that still feel unloved. It felt good to let this upset little girl have her say.

Then, as I entered another part of the grove, the sounds coming from my throat turned into much lower vibrations. I began to sing a bit of a blues style mantra. My hips began to sway and I allowed myself to flow into the embodiment of my newfound inner blues singer. I found a vocal range that I didn’t know existed inside me. I really began to “dig” this “new” part of me. I can still feel the feelings of sauciness and sexiness coursing through the cells of my whole entire body!

And then I walked into a field and this is when I was deeply moved to tears. My voice, my vibration found itself attuning itself to a lullaby for Mother Earth. Such a sweet soft loving voice came coo-ing out of me – one a mother would use to rock her newborn to sleep. I began to weep. I do not have children and at that moment I felt something so beautiful that I hadn’t known I was missing the experience of up to that very second…such a DEEP HEARTFELT SWEET LOVE for something. I sang this song from my heart to the flowers and the butterflies. I sang so sweet and soft to the expired flowers and the little dead bugs. I felt my ability to love and care so tenderly expand into every cell of my being. I felt this LOVE not only for everything in nature but also FOR MYSELF. And then I felt it viscerally…THIS LOVE WAS MYSELF.

I am so grateful for moments like these where I am taught that I can go anywhere, I can teach anyone but it all starts with me and it all is already there.

I AM LOVE. I AM LOVE. I AM LOVE.

And so are you.

IAMLOVE by Jennilee Toner

Text: Jennilee Toner
Photography: Hester Baks