This year, 16 Years ago, I went into rehab in a clinic in Amsterdam.
To weeks voluntary lock up and of course after that 6 months of day treatment.
I never kept it a secret, but I think now is the right time to write about it.
Let me start by saying that I don’t regret anything I did. If I had to do it again…I would do exactly the same.
These are the experiences that made me the proud man and father of 50 years old that I am today!
The reasons we make up why we started drinking and using drugs are numerous.
We are very good in finding reasons why we got addicted. And we always think it happened to us because of the things that happened in our youth and that we are just a “victim”.
But you know what it is? In the end I am the only one responsible for what I did..nobody else.
And as I am writing this, I realize that I don’t feel the need anymore to write down the reasons why I think I got addicted.
It is about taking your responsibility and acting accordingly!
I never kept my drug abuse and my drinking a secret.
My sweet (foster)mom, Stephanie, a niece of my father, played a very important role, by asking me the only right question that hit me.
She had cancer for years and she knew how much I loved my two sisters ( her daughters), Genevieve and Quirine.
She asked me: “How would you feel if one of the girls was using so much as you do?
My answer of course was:” That will never happen! I love those girls so much and I would do anything in my power to prevent that!”
Her answer was : “Well…than start loving yourself as much as you love the girls!
And you know…I can not write this down without tears in my eyes.
That was the beginning of a long proces of learning how to stop fight against my self…starting to really see my self, and most important, learning to love my self.
IAMLOVE by Orlando Lansdorf
Text – Orlando Lansdorf
Photograph – Hester Baks